And if you already have your tree up and your lights sparkling outside...good for you! We are doing ours soon too...and I can't wait!!
As most of my friends will know, Christmas is my most favourite time of year.
I have such fond memories around this time of year and how my parents made Christmas such a magical time for my brother and I. We used to sit at the top of the stairs with Mum on Christmas morning, while Dad went downstairs, switched on all the twinkling tree lights and checked to see if "He" had been. My brother and I used to then race each other down the stairs to a pile of presents each with a card on top.
Christmas time was family time, with grandparents staying over, family and friends popping in and our house being full of lots of games, fun and laughter. I remember delicious Christmas lunches and lots of yummy chocolates and sweets! I also remember my brother and I had a new outfit to wear each Christmas Day... it's funny what sticks in your mind isn't it?
Now with a family of my own, Christmas is still a magical time of year for me, but things are done slightly differently, as we have to take in account J and how the day will effect her.
Prior to understanding and diagnosis, we had a couple of rough Christmases. I think J found it all rather daunting, with structure and routine changing, new foods, toys, expectations, demands - basically the unpredictability of the whole festive period.
I will never forget a couple of years ago she had her ears pierced, (her request) about a month before the big day. So for Christmas a couple of friends bought her new earrings. But unfortunately, the demand to change them, along with one of them becoming a little infected (which she wouldn't let us help clean), caused a massive meltdown, which I will never forget....but that's another story. Needless to say the holes have since closed over!
Las year we did things completely differently, by spreading Christmas out over about 3 days and it worked really well, so we will be doing the same again this year. By keeping everything low key, it doesn't become too overwhelming for J and stress is kept to a minimum - not only for her but for us too.
There will be a few presents to be opened in the week leading up to Christmas, then a few on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. By spreading things out, it also gives J a chance to properly look at each present and process it if needed. And if after one or two she wants to stop and do something else, well that is fine too. Whatever is required to reduce her anxiety is what we will do. There are no rules.
We don't go overboard at Christmas. There will usually be one main present (from us) and then lots of mini gifts from Santa. Plus bits and bobs from family and friends too.
Last year I think J was on the edge of "believing" in Santa, this year she has already told us she doesn't believe anymore. I haven't really said much to her yet about this, as I hope to write her a letter a bit nearer to the big day, explaining more about Santa and the 'spirit' of Christmas. I will share it nearer the time if I remember.
We try and keep to a similar daily routine in the lead up to Christmas too, ie meal times are kept at the same time wherever possible. J is not a huge fan of meat, so last year Turkey was off the menu for her, and she had exactly what she wanted, covered in masses of ketchup!! The same usual snacks will be available "on tap" for her and she can escape to her room whenever she needs to. There's no pressure at all.
I think everyone would like the "perfect" Christmas and it is all too easy to get carried away and impose your own expectations on your child, but it's important to remember that our children's version of happiness will not be the same as ours, sometimes far from it. It is ok to have your own "special" day and do whatever works for you and your unique family.
It's easy to get caught up with social media too at this time, but remember, what you see online is just a "screenshot" of what life might look like - it's not reality and it certainly won't show the bad moments or how many photographs it took to create that "perfect" shot! So don't feel too disheartened, you will only end up feeling utterly deflated. Instead concentrate on your own family and have fun in your own special way.
It's also ok if one part of your family does one thing and others do something else. There should be no expectation that all family members should be doing the same activity (as nice as that might be!). I remember last year hubby wanted to watch something on TV, J was on the Xbox in her room and I was happily filling in my new diary in the kitchen listening to carols. We all grouped again for dinner and everyone was happy with that.
Placing too many demands on your child with PDA is just not going to work, Christmas or no Christmas. Keep the days around Christmas even more low key, no demands if possible and be as fluid as possible. Be prepared for change and just concentrate on making your own family traditions that work best for you.
Try not to take things too personally either, especially if the response to a present you gave your child is not what you thought it would be. There have been numerous times when we have got J something, and neither of us could barely sleep for excitedly waiting to see her response the next morning, only for her to be as unenthusiastic as unenthusiastic can be!
Believe me your child will not remember whether dinner was perfect or whether everyone was dressed for the day. What they will remember is you getting on the floor with them to play with their new toy.
They will remember the laughter, tickles and hugs.
They will remember the nights you let them stay up late.
They will remember how you let them out in the road to try out their new inline skates, which lit up, when all the other kids in the road were fast asleep... (this was last year for us).
This is what Christmas is all about surely?
Let them fall asleep feeling content and loved, for that is all we as parents can wish for....
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