FEELINGS

 

J has had many special interests/obsessions, some have only lasted a few weeks or so, others for months at a time or more.

Not overly unusual you might say, but when does liking something/someone become an obsession?

When does the intensity and focus become too much? I guess you could say when the obsession is to the exclusion/detriment of everything (everyone) else at that time.

I know some obsessions, rituals and routines can be a response to anxiety, and having this response can help a child feel more in control of their environment.

A lot of children with ASD may also have sensory sensitivities, this could also lead to obsessions or rituals, eg. stroking a favourite blanket/toy because they enjoy the feeling and it helps them to feel calm. In J's case, handling slime can fully relax her, hanging on her gorilla gym or bouncing on her yoga ball. Not the sort of feeling you might necessarily associate with calm initially!

Having these obsessions/rituals is not a problem really, until they begin to affect the ability to function, or interfere with everyday life in general.

I think J finds calm and regulation in some of her obsessions (gaming for instance), but what about when the obsession is a person?

I have posted before about friendships, but this post is not just about the difficulties J can face making friends, but how sometimes her mind is like an on/off switch, either emotionally turned off or emotionally fully charged - there is literally no in between.

Her friendships tend be to all or nothing. She can get extremely excited when someone pays her attention and cares about her. Nothing is casual, the world will revolve around the person and they will become her special person of interest. She will literally live and breathe them!

However, just as quickly as the emotion arrives, so it can be switched off, often with reasons, but sometimes, just sometimes, we will have no idea why, and we are left feeling extremely confused.

What is great for us, and has only recently happened, is that J recognised for the first time when one of her friends had become a bit too much, with messaging and calling her.

This is a big step for J. She hasn't felt the need to 'people please' and actually confided in me that she was struggling to answer every message and take every call.

I hope J will always be able to confide in us as parents and ask for help, even if it takes her a while to realise she needs the help. But with most children, even more so with PDA, she often thinks she knows best!