CONCEALING DEMANDS

I thought it might be helpful to share ideas and tips of asking your child to do something without the demand triggering a negative response! Not easy!


Disguising Demands

Is it ok with you ...

Would you do...

Could you...

If you're happy to...

When you have finished with...could you...

Do you mind going/doing...

Do you want to do ... before or after ....

Give choices...

(An old favourite:)
Would you like to use the red or blue toothbrush?

Note: choices only work if they are closed options. 

Saying 'which toothbrush do you want to use?' will not get the best result and could lead to more anxiety. 

Control

It's extremely hard when J asks us to do something to not see it as her bossing us about, but rather that she needs us to do the task because at that moment in time she needs to feel in control of her environment.

To a certain extent, and in some cases, I get that, I really do. However, I can't help but wonder if maybe sometimes it's just her being lazy!  It is a well known fact that PDAers are very skilled at manipulating people and situations which always makes me question this alternative way of thinking!

Keep Trying

If a strategy seems to work then stops working, don’t bin it, just shelve it for a while. It may well work again in the future.

Sometimes strategies become so successful that over time they evolve and the disguise or choice isn't needed any more! We are finding this more and more as time goes on.