As this year is rapidly drawing to a close, not only have I been reflecting on how far we have come with J and her journey, but also how far I have come with my own mental health.
I have reactive depression...
I have reactive depression...
This can vary from person to person but for me in the past it has seriously magnified the intensity of our stressful life with J and has truly impacted on my daily life.
I'm happy to say that right at this moment I am in a pretty good place though. I am still on anti depressants, but have recently significantly lowered my dose and I feel much better, largely due to the improvements we have seen in J.
But I still very much remember some extremely dark days. Feelings of hopelessness, crying at the drop of a hat, feeling anxious and stressed out, not being able to focus on anything, feeling overwhelmed, tired all the time, aches and pains and cancelling commitments... the list goes on. Thoughts filled my head that I was a bad mother, I couldn't look after my child anymore, as I could barely look after myself.
Delving even deeper, it gets a bit dark. Speaking honestly and openly, there were many days I felt I just couldn't go on. Many a time I just left the house, leaving hubby to deal with the awful meltdown taking place. I used to just jump in my car and drive, sometimes barely able to see through my tears.
I have walked out of my work when emotions were too strong to conceal (there were only so many times I could hide in the loo!!). Thankfully I work for an understanding company, and with the support from my family, close friends and amazing husband, along with the pathway we are now on with J, I feel ready to face the future.
To think that even six months ago we were having 3-6 hours of meltdown daily without knowing any reason why and with no sign of any outside help, we have really come so far in what really is a relatively short amount of time.
I'm happy to say that right at this moment I am in a pretty good place though. I am still on anti depressants, but have recently significantly lowered my dose and I feel much better, largely due to the improvements we have seen in J.
But I still very much remember some extremely dark days. Feelings of hopelessness, crying at the drop of a hat, feeling anxious and stressed out, not being able to focus on anything, feeling overwhelmed, tired all the time, aches and pains and cancelling commitments... the list goes on. Thoughts filled my head that I was a bad mother, I couldn't look after my child anymore, as I could barely look after myself.
Delving even deeper, it gets a bit dark. Speaking honestly and openly, there were many days I felt I just couldn't go on. Many a time I just left the house, leaving hubby to deal with the awful meltdown taking place. I used to just jump in my car and drive, sometimes barely able to see through my tears.
I have walked out of my work when emotions were too strong to conceal (there were only so many times I could hide in the loo!!). Thankfully I work for an understanding company, and with the support from my family, close friends and amazing husband, along with the pathway we are now on with J, I feel ready to face the future.
To think that even six months ago we were having 3-6 hours of meltdown daily without knowing any reason why and with no sign of any outside help, we have really come so far in what really is a relatively short amount of time.
Good To Talk
Remember that talking about your feelings is never a sign of weakness. Just being listened to can help you feel supported and less alone in whatever you are going through.And it works both ways... If you open up, it might encourage others to do the same.
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